Excel Saga Vs REVOL
by Soviet Man
Summary: ACROSS try to hit back as a new organisation hits F-city. Expect Stupidity from the start. Warning: May contain traces of peanuts


Disclaimer: I do not own any characters in Excel Saga they are creation Of Koshi Rikdo.

Although characters; Soviet Man (Adam), Agent (Liam) Pritchard, Tom, Uriko Kagayama, Capitalist Man, and Marc Ratenfield are ideas from the REVOL team, they are based on people I know. Anyway I don't think anyone would want to associate with these blatant self inserts.

Chapter 1: The Takeover Begins.

Ad, Liam and Tom sit at an airport terminal in Birmingham. Ad looks quite excited.

"So why are we here again?" asks Liam.

"Don't you remember last night?" replies Adam.

(_Flashback_)

THE NIGHT BEFORE

Ad, Liam and Tom are huddled round a Gamecube twitching, rocking and smashing their control pads, in a fury to beat each other.

"Hey, you guys wanna go to Tokyo?" Adam enquires

"Yeah sure…" answers Liam and Tom.

(_END of flashback – back in the airport_)

Time passes as they sit silently.

Bing-Bong

'Due to bad weather all flights to Tokyo have been cancelled. We apologise for any inconvenience.'

"What! No! That's crap! We've waited here since yesterday…" Adam punches the air in anger.

"Actually we were playing Timesplitters yesterday…" Liam notes trying to be smug.

"Since really early this morning to fly to Japan!" Adam is on the verge of throwing a tantrum, "I really wanted to go to Japan!"

"If you still want to go to Japan there is a budget flight to F-city" Tom points out looking up at the terminal board.

"F-city, what the hell kind of name is that?" shouts Liam

"Who cares? It's cheap!" Adam jumps around in excitement.

"Well we'd better get a move on! It leaves in 10 minutes," indicates Tom with a sense of urgency.

The gang run of to the F-city plane.

Ad, Li and Tom line up to board the plane, Ad catches a glimpse of the plane "A jumbo jet, a very fancy one at that"

"Wow, is that our plane?" Adam continues to gaze out the window.

"No… yours is the one behind" remarks the host.

The jumbo moves out of the way to reveal a crappy old propeller driven airmail plane, looking rusty and not very air worthy.

(_LATER_ – on the plane)

Similar to the classic 'hitchhiker gets picked up by hillbilly' image, they sit squashed and huddled amongst piles boxes and cages crammed full of chickens.

"Idiot!" Liam clips Adam round the head.

Everyone sits in silence and stares into space, not talking

"Hey… where's Che?" questions Tom.

"Dunno… said something about unfinished business…" says Adam unconvinced.

"He doesn't half speak some crap sometimes." Liam snaps.

They resume sitting in silence. Only the low drone of whirring engines in the background provides any noise

Hours pass on the plane; the Revol gang get tired and start to fall asleep. Finally they are woken by the plane landing with a large bump and lots of shaking

NEXT SCENE – We next see the gang leaving the airport, walking into the city.

"Hmmm… this city isn't that bad" mutters Liam

"The people are a bit dull though." Tom gives Adam and Liam a sneaky look, "Is anybody else thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Wanna get some sushi?" asks Adam

"Yeah sure…" reply both Liam and Tom.

Screen flicks to the Revol guys kneeling at a sushi bar scoffing rice balls.

Tom nudges Adam.

"Oh yeah." whispers Adam, ahem "Hey you guys wanna take over the city?"

"Yeah sure…"

NEXT SCENE – All three stand atop a tall building, reminiscent of something from Batman or another classic comic. Adam wears his 'Soviet Man' gear, Tom and Liam stand behind him.

"Well, if we are going to take over, we'll first need cash and information about this pitiful city!" says Adam with an air of superiority.

"**I** shall acquire the cash" adds Tom raising his fist anime style.

"I can find out about the local government" Liam mentions, cutting his eyes slightly, "What about you Adam?"

"I shall stand here, mournfully looking into the middle distance and letting my cape wave in the wind like a true anime star!" he says trying to be cool.

"…okay then" both Liam and Tom back away slowly.

Meanwhile in the ACROSS head quarters

"_**HAIL ILPALAZZO!"**_

"Indeed, Agents. Welcome to today's meeting where we, the ideological organisation of ACROSS, will discuss our plans to further our strategy to conquer the city. If our secret organisation were not so secret, some might attempt to suggest that we are thinking too small by planning to conquer this single city. I say that these people fail to grasp the larger picture, for conquering one city will be a simple enough task and give us a large enough margin of error." Focus view on Excel "A margin so large that even the most incompetent agent should be able to handle the task." Focus back on Lord Ilpalazzo, "Agent Hyatt, you look like you have something you wish to share?"

Hyatt tries to say something, but is foiled as she coughs blood and dies.

"I see…" remarks Ilpalazzo, raising his eyebrow slightly.

"Oh Lord Ilpalazzo forgive Hyatt she's a little dead but she'll be okay soon!" Shouts Excel.

"Yes Excel, I'm sure she will…"

"Oh Lord Ilpalazzo what is your next command? Excel is willing to do ANYTHING for her Ilpalazzo! What is your wish? Through war (explosion behind her) or even through scary dark places Excel will carry the light of ACROSS wherever you desire!" (scene momentarily switches. Everything is completely dark, except for Excel who is stood atop a hill with a light shining down on her)

"That's good to know Excel…" answers Ilpalazzo already board of Excels ranting.

"Dear Lord Ilpalazzo what can I do to prove my loyalty to ACROSS? OH WHAT LORD ILPALAZZO!"

"Be quiet for a few moments?"

"Quiet? Excel stops confused at Ilapalzzo's request, "Lord Ilpalazzo wishes Excel to be quiet? THEN EXCEL SHALL BE QUIET! BECAUSE LORD ILPALAZZO…!"

"Ahem" the pull-chord for The Pit appears next to Lord Ilpalazzo.

"Oh yes of course Lord Ilpalazzo!"

Excel stays quiet. She gives the impression of having a LOT to say, but her mouth is stopped.

"Why… that sound? Do you her it Excel?" astounded by the silence.

Excel continues to stay quiet.

"You're here and yet, silence."

Lord Ilpalazzo relaxes and slouches slightly in his chair.

"Perhaps I should ask you to be quiet more often…" looks at the pull-chord mournfully, "though the bottomless pit is not without its charms." looks at Excel, "Hmmm…"

Viewpoint from the reflection in Lord Ilpalazzo's eyes Ilpalazzo looks at Excel, who is very quiet. His expression changes and he views Excel as a wonderful beautiful Agent. Excel looks back at him and…

"HAIL ILPALAZZO! Excel sees from the desire in your eyes, Lord Ilpalazzo, that you require something. Say what you desire and Excel shall bring it! In the name of ACROSS anything shall be requisitioned, stolen, taken, bought or otherwise acquired for the beneficent Lord…"

She falls down the Bottomless Pit.

Viewpoint on Lord Ilpalazzo, his hand still on the pull-chord

"Well, it was nice while it lasted." notes Ilpalazzo.

Hyatt gets back up, she wipes the blood of from around her mouth.

"Lord Ilpalazzo?…"

Meanwhile in F-city

We see a smart looking bank in F-city, a building entirely made of glass. Tom is outside the building looking around inspecting it carefully. Tom now looks like something out of the Matrix, he walks inside the bank and comes to the camera waist up

"I'd like to make a withdrawal" Tom grins evilly while he says this.

Tom quickly pulls out two Uzi's from his Trench coat and then fires them on the mark of the sentence.

The scene changes we see two new characters strolling down a street coincidently in F-city. The first of the duo is a tall, thin man wearing a leather jacket rolling down his back and flowing elegantly behind him, to many he is a thief, con man and a crook, but his alias known by all is Capitalist Man. The second man strolling next to him is his so called partner, smaller and more rat-like in stature, but with his long lab coat draped over him Marc Ratenfield still had an air of smugness to him, but to mention it so did Capitalist Man.

"I can't believe they bought it!" says Marc in disbeleif.

"Who'd a thought it…. What a bunch of idiots!" adds Capitalist Man.

"Yeah, what kind of idiot buys 5000 chocolate heat shields anyway?" Mentions Marc.

"Oh well who cares, we've got our money now lets get the hell out of here!" says Capitalist Man.

"Not so fast!"

Capitalist Man and Marc are stopped dead in their tracks. As an old advisory stands in their way, Uriko Kagayama a Japanese born MI6 agent. She is a classic anime style woman, with wavy purple hair and with looks that could melt even the hardest of men.

"Ah! URIKO! How did you find us?" shouts Capitalist Man in shock.

"While I was on holiday here I heard of your earlier trade." Uriko mentions feeling rather smug.

"Wait! You're on holiday!" screeches Capitalist Man

"That's right, but crime doesn't take a holiday."

Uriko quickly pulls out her Uzi and fires it in the direction of the two con men, quite amazingly both of them avoid the bullets by diving into an abandoned building next to them. Our view moves inside the building, we see CM dash up a flight of stairs now wielding Walther PPK, Marc runs behind him but makes a quick detour and runs into a different room. A few seconds pass before Uriko slowly enters the decaying building in a very commando like style, quickly flashing her gun upstairs to retaliate against any sort of on-coming fire from her advisory, but there is no shots from the man she stalks, she quickly glances behind herself before slowly proceeding upstairs.

Uriko enters a large dusty room that looks like it hadn't been used for some time; a door lay across the room half open. She sneaks around, but CM still nowhere to be found, Uriko cautiously sneaks towards the door. A floorboard creeks grabbing her attention, the door flies open as CM fires several shots manically into the air. Uriko thinking quickly on her feet dives to the floor, she fights back in retaliation by flicking her Uzi in the direction of CM while he flees, firing rapidly in his direction. One stray bullet catches CM in the arm, he quickly collapses to the floor grasping his wounded limb.

Uriko walks up to the man she has been stalking for so long.

"So it's come down to this… You, me and a gun!" says Uriko confidently.

"Dam you girl!" Capitalist Man gasps for air a hard stare is exchanged. "You know every anime bad guy has an escape plan"

"What you say?" Uriko recoils in Capitalist Mans defience.

"NOW MARC!" screams Capitalist Man.

And in an instant Marc smashes through the window, swinging in on an old rope. He lets go and kicks Uriko to the floor.

Marc scoops up his injured partner and helps him out of the room. CM pulls some sort of crude remote out of his jacket.

"See you in hell bitch!" yells the wounded con man.

Marc and Capitalist Man limp out of the front door, lots of explosions can be heard from inside, both of them try to pick up the pace but it is too late, the decrepit building implodes engulfing them in a mass of dust and rubble.

A few moments pass in silence.

The rubble stirs and our two criminals pop their heads out, blinking.

Marc turns to Capitalist Man angrily.

"I wanted to press the button!" snaps Marc

"Cheese it! Capitalist Man hits back.

"Oh well, we'll **_never see her_** again." comments Marc

"That such a cliché."

"I know."

"Let's get out of here before the fuzz arrives." Capitalist Man quickly notes

Both dust themselves down, and skulk away.

Today's chapter:

The takeover begins………

**FAILED!**


End file.
